Just had a wonderful conversation with my Aunt who turns 60 today! So hard to believe as it seems like my sister and I should still be those little girls getting ready for her wedding.

Other than Kelleigh being home these last two days with a bad cough and fever, things have settled down nicely. Tonight we have Ryan's first "rehab" meeting at the school. Not sure what to expect but he seems okay with attending (not that he has any choice!). Mark is staying late at school tonight to watch some of the wrestling matches so that works out well since we have a full evening. No cooking - yippee!

The new Sundevil

Ryan's first day at MCHS went very well. He was most excited about his new English teacher and how "very cool" he is! Turns out that he's the fiance of the gal who sub'd in the Kindergarten class for six weeks that I worked with and whom I'm doing the wedding invitations for! Small world. He also got auto shop and can tell you how to tell if your tires are aligned! His other classes are PE basketball, history, and math. He was pretty funny about the math class and told me he didn't think he was in the right one as most of the kids are drooling on their desks! I looked a little perplexed and he said "it's way too easy and these kids are special needs"! I will have to check into that tomorrow as it was supposed to be a math class that helps them learn to take tests in preparation for the California exit exam. I admit that I had to laugh though. The boys also had their new psychiatrist appointments today and really liked her. We are going to adjust Ryan's meds a little to allow him to focus more at night so homework is less of a struggle. Kelleigh's appointment is Thursday and then we're back on track with that.

On a personal note, yesterday I had an eye exam as I could tell I wasn't seeing so well and couldn't keep fighting the fact I need to wear glasses more consistently during the day. After all, it's been 12 years since my Lasik and it wasn't going to last forever! While I was there I asked if he could check for macular degeneration since my grandmother is blind from that and mom has the beginnings of it. I am SO thrilled that there is no sign of it given my hugest fear is being blind. I finished the eye exam which resulted in major changes and new glasses. Now for the bad news - I have to get progressive bifocals - does that sound old or what??! It's bad enough trying to come to grips with the fact I'm going to be 50 in exactly 30 days but bifocals ... ugh!

Changes are made

Today we got Ryan checked out of RB and checked into MC. We met the AP and got his "contract" then with the SpEd dept. chair to discuss his classes. This term he will audit so he has an odd assortment due to class sizes; next term he will continue on his normal schedule as those grades will count. I'm hoping this term he will prove to himself he can make good grades and continue that through the last term. He was understandably nervous about the change. Tomorrow he will start and a student will help him get his new ID, books, show him where his classes are, etc. The kids are also going to start attending a new church next week with a very active youth program. They are excited about it which is always a good sign!

The birthday boy!

No one looks more forward to a birthday than Connor! So hard to believe that he is 13 already. Along with his best friend, Jacob, we intended to go to dinner at Fuddruckers only to arrive and there were so many people there were no tables. So back we went to Islands then home to his "birthday pie" - Chocolate Satin from Marie Callanders! He was so excited to get a bike helmet like Ryan's and a Rivers' football jersey to add to his jersey collection. In a weak moment the boys talked me into letting them have a sleepover too!

Ryan's new school

Ryan will attend Mt. Carmel starting Monday. This was our request and we are grateful they were able to accomodate him. We continue to pray that this is the beginning of a positive change in his life.

Today's meetings

Mark and I met with the school staff today regarding Ryan's fate. Our first meeting was the psych eval completed with input from Ryan, myself, his teachers, and weekly counselor. It was both enlightening and heartbreaking to say the least. The second meeting was the manifestation where it was determined his IEP was adequate and didn't play a role in his decision that led to the suspension. We then met with the Principal who will be the one contacting us regarding his new school placement. They were interested in him remaining at RB in their new "Stay Put" program but Ryan feels he needs a new environment to be able to start over. Now we await the call to see what next week brings.

Storm casualty

Our first storm casualty is Mark's beloved ruffle-leaf palm that was out by the pool. Granted, the poor thing never had more than four pathetic fronds on it but he knew it was going to thrive at any minute. I continued to hope so as this one palm tree was over $400 making those four fronds valuable and earning it my nickname of "million dollar palm". We don't have to worry about that anymore as it was decapitated by the high winds and now we only have a valuable stalk. Lovely conversation piece don't you think?

Kelleigh's Makeover!

I was so excited when Kelleigh asked if she could get her hair cut today! We went immediately after church and, after looking through many hairstyle books, she chose to just get 4" cut off. She asked me to curl the ends as one picture showed a girl with it flipped up on the ends.

Ark construction underway

Mark bought the supplies to built the ark we will need for the projected flood of 2010. In the event he and Ryan don't finish it before the rains begin, he picked up a rubber dingy at Costco. That will allow us to get the kids to school assuming the buildings are above water. We have checked our emergency provisions to ensure they are adequate as the area will shut down with the first raindrop. The dove will indicate we have survived and life has returned to normal.

Friday continued ...

Ryan went in and did the IEP testing needed with the psychologist this morning so I was able to meet with the AP. She explained they have to do a "manifest" to determine if his IEP didn't accomodate him adequately to make the right decisions leading to his suspension, etc. If it is determined that it did and he made this decision on his own, he will be moved to another school. If the manifest didn't accomodate him enough, he will be placed on a new "Stay Put" program where he is monitored with drug tests, counseling, etc. She told me the school they would automatically move him to is Poway and I told her under no conditions will he go there - it simply won't happen. Why would I place a child choosing to remove himself from the drug environment into the worst drug-infested school in the district? Unfortunately, the school we want him to go to is on a trimester program so he wouldn't be able to move until they begin the last session in March. It may take that long for the IEP testing and process to happen anyhow. His new semester teachers will provide the days work and homework for him to complete at home next week which I will pick up daily in order for him not to fall behind. I won't know the outcome of the manifest meeting until late next week or early the following week so things are in limbo until then. We did go get new jeans and workout clothes for Ryan after he was finished this morning as we are working on his new "image". One step at a time ...

Friday's mission

After a lengthy talk with Ryan, Mark and I made the decision to transfer him to Del Norte HS for the balance of the school year. It is the newest school in the district with only 9th and 10th grade. We feel he will benefit from the smaller environment in addition to being able to make a fresh start. I have requested a meeting with the counselor there this morning and am hopeful this can happen before my appointment this afternoon with the RB staff re his suspension. It is with a heavy heart that we leave RB and the support of so many staff members as we continue on our journey of turning his life around.

A hard day

I was called to RB today as Ryan was brought into the AP's office as his teacher noticed he was disoriented and his pupils were dilated. I got out of him that he's taken two pills given to him by a kid at lunch which he thought were Ambien. Because he wasn't acting sleepy they doubted that was really what he'd taken and asked me to take him to ER to be tested. And, of by the way, he was suspended and would be transfered to another school. We will continue that discussion when I take him after school tomorrow to complete the 3 finals he still needs to take. We did go to ER and the test came back negative for illegal drugs so I guess we'll never know what he took. The other kid had none on him when he was searched nor in his locker. Maybe the parents will be able to shed some light on it. Mark and I are left with the difficult decision of whether to seek immediate care in a residential at our expense or which school to transfer him to. Pray that we make the best decision.

IEP meeting

I had a productive IEP meeting with Ryan's case manager, school psychologist, AP in charge of SpecEd, and another SpecEd member. We reviewed the issues from the last few months and made changes to his schedule for next semester by adding a Strategies class in lieu of PE. He will also receive weekly counseling with the school psychologist and a series of tests/evaluations will be done as required to accompany the CMH forms. They warned me that the process through CMH is long and nothing will likely be finalized until the end of the school year. His doctor increased his antidepressants and he's been very good at studying for his finals this week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he passes them!

Kelleigh was excited to bring home her forms for 6th grade camp the first week of March. Initially she was adamant she didn't want to go but now seems enthused. I was happy she didn't want to as the price is ridiculous for the 4.5 days they are there. Oh well, she's the last one to go through it!

Not much else to report. Been busy doing odds-n-ends jobs which I put off too long!

Monday

I just got a note that an IEP has been scheduled for tomorrow at 2p with Ryan's case manager, AP in charge of Special Ed, and the school psychologist. I've asked our parent advocate to attend if she's available.

I'm extremely relieved that the pathology report came back negative for my mom's masses she had removed from her breast on Friday. They were cysts with calcium deposits. She won't have to worry about those showing up on every mammogram now!

A difficult journey begins

I have hesitated to put this on our blog but have decided since many are aware of our struggles, perhaps our story will encourage others facing similar issues. If you received, or read, our holiday letter you saw where Ryan has had some struggles of late. This entry will bring you up to date on our efforts to get him help. We had some tough times during the break and on Sunday took him to lunch and laid out our expectations for this year and for school. It was a productive hour where he got angry, asked us to stop caring, cried, etc. We repeatedly told him we were not giving up on him despite his desires.

On Monday night I received a call from the assistant principal telling me that Ryan had sent a text within minutes of one of his friends being arrested for stealing an iPod Touch. She felt we should know about the content of the text and, given the frequency his name comes up, he would be facing expulsion if things didn’t change. After dinner that night, I had Ryan tell Mark his grades (2 Fs, 2 Ds, C, A) then I told them about the call. Ryan didn’t know it was stolen but what he doesn’t understand is that the kids he’s choosing to hang with are going down the wrong path too. That night I set the parental controls on his phone so he can only call/receive/text Mark and I and he had to delete his MySpace account. He was allowed to create a new, tamer one which we will monitor closely.

I have began the process of finding him a troubled teen residential facility. I won’t bore you with all the details (believe me, there are many). Sadly our insurance will only pay for detox. I am working with a parent advocate who is phenomenal and has gone through the process with her runaway teen and getting him into a boarding school. She appreciates the issues we are dealing with and the associated struggles. We were hoping to get financial assistance from an Adoption Assistance Program but we don’t qualify as his adoption wasn’t finalized through the city/state. Without assistance, the programs range from $3500/month to $16K/3 months.

Today I submitted a County Mental Health services request with the school and asked that it be put through as an emergency as he can be considered a safety risk. I also requested a meeting to update his IEP to include his emotional and academic issues. The county will test him and has to accommodate his needs and provide some level of funding for his residential treatment as well as his schooling (via tutors, etc.) if their findings warrant such. We will fight hard for it. Every day I learn more about our rights as they aren't willingly shared.

I feel strongly that God has brought this advocate into our life as she’s a Christian and works with families in need. She feels this is what she is meant to be doing at this point in her life. She asked me if I’d be interested in working with her on Adoption Assistance Funding to help adopted kids get into residential treatment centers when our life is settled down. Perhaps that is where God is leading me; time will tell.

I did update Ryan tonight and he goes from feeling he can change on his own to wanting to leave tomorrow. I continue to stress that we feel it will be a great way for him to start over and come home with the tools to be very successful. That’s all I can pray for.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers that God will guide us to the right resources and bring about positive change.

All put away

Although I wasn't really in the mood to put all the holiday decorations away, I figured I wouldn't be tomorrow either! So ... the job is done! The kids are already moaning about having to get up early and start the school routine again. I reminded them it's only about 6 weeks before they have another week off.

Mark and I actually had a date of sorts last night as we went to a friend's as she was hosting an engagement party for her daughter. We had a great time and it was fun to spend an evening with adults. This week I hope to catch up on odds-and-ends that I have been putting off while I worked. No excuses now!