I have hesitated to put this on our blog but have decided since many are aware of our struggles, perhaps our story will encourage others facing similar issues. If you received, or read, our holiday letter you saw where Ryan has had some struggles of late. This entry will bring you up to date on our efforts to get him help. We had some tough times during the break and on Sunday took him to lunch and laid out our expectations for this year and for school. It was a productive hour where he got angry, asked us to stop caring, cried, etc. We repeatedly told him we were not giving up on him despite his desires.
On Monday night I received a call from the assistant principal telling me that Ryan had sent a text within minutes of one of his friends being arrested for stealing an iPod Touch. She felt we should know about the content of the text and, given the frequency his name comes up, he would be facing expulsion if things didn’t change. After dinner that night, I had Ryan tell Mark his grades (2 Fs, 2 Ds, C, A) then I told them about the call. Ryan didn’t know it was stolen but what he doesn’t understand is that the kids he’s choosing to hang with are going down the wrong path too. That night I set the parental controls on his phone so he can only call/receive/text Mark and I and he had to delete his MySpace account. He was allowed to create a new, tamer one which we will monitor closely.
I have began the process of finding him a troubled teen residential facility. I won’t bore you with all the details (believe me, there are many). Sadly our insurance will only pay for detox. I am working with a parent advocate who is phenomenal and has gone through the process with her runaway teen and getting him into a boarding school. She appreciates the issues we are dealing with and the associated struggles. We were hoping to get financial assistance from an Adoption Assistance Program but we don’t qualify as his adoption wasn’t finalized through the city/state. Without assistance, the programs range from $3500/month to $16K/3 months.
Today I submitted a County Mental Health services request with the school and asked that it be put through as an emergency as he can be considered a safety risk. I also requested a meeting to update his IEP to include his emotional and academic issues. The county will test him and has to accommodate his needs and provide some level of funding for his residential treatment as well as his schooling (via tutors, etc.) if their findings warrant such. We will fight hard for it. Every day I learn more about our rights as they aren't willingly shared.
I feel strongly that God has brought this advocate into our life as she’s a Christian and works with families in need. She feels this is what she is meant to be doing at this point in her life. She asked me if I’d be interested in working with her on Adoption Assistance Funding to help adopted kids get into residential treatment centers when our life is settled down. Perhaps that is where God is leading me; time will tell.
I did update Ryan tonight and he goes from feeling he can change on his own to wanting to leave tomorrow. I continue to stress that we feel it will be a great way for him to start over and come home with the tools to be very successful. That’s all I can pray for.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers that God will guide us to the right resources and bring about positive change.
I feel I needed to write, Its like reading a book of mikes life when he was younger, He made very bad choices in his school years, always hanging around the wrong crowd, I was in and out of the court system with him for stealing and many bad things, It was hard on us as we were a good respectable family with a younger child (ricky) who did'nt need to be around such stuff, and my husband gary retired from the navy and worked at the sheriffs department,which also made it difficult. I don't know why mike felt like he needed to be a follower but he did, I cried many times not knowing if he would end in in prison or dead, I did'nt give up on him as hard as it was not to, i preached everyday about the choices he would make and gary would say son before you act ask yourself 3 things will I get hurt? will I hurt someone else? or will I get in trouble? It was'nt until he was 18 when he was with some guys that got in big trouble and the detective told him if he did'nt get away from these people my nighmares about him would come true. He came to me after that and said mom can we move, I promise I will change its the only way I can get away from these people and get a fresh start, well long story short we moved to arkansas. Mike did very well here had a few struggles along the way with his relationship with jenn but he did change his life and so did she and they have a beautiful house and 5 children who he stays on pretty hard as the older ones are teen agers now, Mike tells me to this day I was way to easy on him when he was younger and let him get by with to much, He spends alot of time with the boys, as he is a big boy himself, playing basketball,football, coaching baseball, Im very proud of him and jenn and the life they made with their family. If there is anything you think we could do to help ryan please let us know, we would love to help.
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