Today has to go down as one of the worst days of my life. My eyes are red, raw, and swollen as there have only been a few times throughout the day that I wasn't crying.

First, Shadow. Went late yesterday to get him seizure meds as they have been non-stop since Sunday night. Gave it to him and he puked it up 5 minutes later. After a difficult night of him shaking and refusing to eat, I eventually went upstairs only to come down this morning to an office full of puke and a hallway of poop. Poor thing was a mess and refused to move. Had everyone say goodbye to him as I was fairly certain I would have to send him to join Nermie in heaven. Grandma went with me as we went to the vet who asked that I let him test him at their expense so we would all be confident of such a serious decision. Hence, his blood lab work came back normal as did the body xrays. No explanation for his refusal to put down his back legs or to stand. They gave him a steroid shot, more pain shots, and he was drinking water by the end of the day. He is spending the night at their hospital so they can see how he's doing in the morning.

Next, my friend Caroline. My one bright spot today was my visit with my dear friend Carolyn who is undergoing chemo. Last week she cut her waist-length hair to her shoulders and yesterday had to shave it off. She is taking it good naturedly and remains a beautiful person. We worked with scarves to find different ways to wear them and I brought her some yarn as she's busy knitting hats for herself. She is an inspiration and I'm so proud of her.

Lastly, Ryan. As I was on my way to take the seizure meds to the vet this afternoon, the AP called to tell me that Ryan was in the bathroom after school with kids caught smoking pot. He left campus but the teacher who found them identified him from the school's personnel site. He admitted - eventually - that he was there but didn't smoke. Tomorrow we meet with the AP to discuss his fate but that he couldn't come to school tomorrow. In the interim his History teacher calls to tell me what a pleasure he is to have in class, that he'd only just learned why Ryan was transferred, offer his help as he is also a credentialed counselor, and could he request him for his class next term. I shared with him what had happened hours prior and he suggested we have a drug test done and to take the results with us tomorrow. We did that and it was negative. Mark went with us tonight to the drug support group meeting. One of the women who works at the school and attends the group in support of the kids is going to come to the meeting tomorrow as our advocate. Because he was not in possession they cannot kick him out of the school. Monday he starts the Intensive Outpatient Program and the director has already told him how life on campus would be and where he will report to. Mark is off tomorrow so will go with me.

So ... tomorrow holds the fate of several things. Keep us in your prayers.